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April Fools!

The following post is from the Shelf Awareness newsletter that we get through email every day.  Ahhhh....it made me chuckle!

Robert Gray: Smashmouth Bookselling for Hard Times

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a cool idea of the day, but Craig Wilkins of Best of All Possible Bookshops has an intriguing new concept for increasing sales at the retail level--smashmouth, trash-talking, in-your-face handselling.

Wilkins said he realized last summer, as the economy began to slide, that his problem as a bookseller was "the damned readers. They weren't listening to me and even when they came to the bookshop, they often slipped out with no purchase."

Instead of the traditional, cooperative, conversational, low-impact approach to bookselling, he began taking the fight directly to his opposition. "Essentially, I make them eat their words," Wilkins said. "We don't let them out of the bookstore until they've bought books."

And if his customers think they can avoid all this by simply not coming to the shop, Wilkins has a little news flash for them. "I know where they live and I have a van," he said, touting the advantages of an up-to-date mailing list. "We go to their houses just like Amazon does and make them buy books, but with the added incentive of actually being there in person so they have to look us in the eye to say no rather than simply moving a cursor over to a toolbar and switching to the Desperate Housewives website."

For booksellers considering this approach, Wilkins cautioned that the most important step is game preparation and execution--the Xs and Os. "You must have your head in the contest at all times," he advised, "looking for weaknesses, ready to adjust to the flow and not get caught by surprise. So many things can happen during a sales transaction, but a gifted smashmouth bookseller will always be ready to move and hit, move and hit, reacting again and again to the changing momentum of a confrontation with an underachieving opponent . . . um, customer."

I was fortunate enough to be in his bookstore during one of these smashmouth handselling sessions recently. A customer entered, and instead of the traditional greeting ("Good morning; may I help?"), Wilkins moved aggressively from behind the counter and rushed the newcomer with an all-out blitz, reaching his foe as the customer plucked a copy of Snow by Orhan Pamuk from a Staff Picks display.

"You don't deserve that book!" Wilkins screamed, snatching it away.

"Why not?" the customer asked timidly, looking for an escape route. But Wilkins had him cornered.

"You aren't smart enough, pal."

"Sure I am."

"Yeah? Prove it! What was the best translation of a Pamuk novel before this one?"

"Um, Black Book?"

"Wrroonngg!" (Wilkins imitated the sound of a harsh buzzer)

"Oh, My Name Is Red?"

"Too late."

"But I want to read this book. I do!"

Now that Wilkins had his opponent caught up in the game, he went for the literary kill. Holding Snow just beyond the customer's reach, he said, "If you want to read this, you're going to have to buy five books by midlist authors, too."

"Why?"

"Because I said so and because if you're smart enough to read Pamuk, you're too smart to ignore these other books. Deal?"

"Deal." There was surrender in the customer's eyes, but also, oddly, pleasure. Was that the thrill of defeat?

Wilkins observed that while bookstore sales have slumped nationwide during the recession, his have actually held steady. Not one to be complacent, however, he recently sent out a threatening e-mail newsletter warning that if he doesn't see an uptick of at least 10% by the end of April, he will be making more house calls.

I asked Wilkins if he had any words of wisdom for prospective smashmouth booksellers, and he shared his basic, primal philosophy: "Your opponents read their books one page at a time just like you do. The best narrative defense is a good narrative offense. Our backs are to the shelf. We have to take this one book at a time. Reading isn't everything; it's the only thing."

__________________________________________________________________________________

So- are you wondering what prank we played?  Well, we drink alot of Cranapple and Crangrape juice at our house.  We made strawberry jello and pored it into 2 glasses and added straws.  It congealed overnight and we set them out with the kids' breakfasts.  They took forever to pick up the glass and try to take a drink!  For just a few moments this morning, mom and dad were considered "cool."

April Fools

    Tomorrow is one of our favorite days- April Fools!  Of course, here at the store, every day seems like April Fools!  We wanted to pass on some ideas for those last-minute pranksters among you.

Family Fun Magazine has some easy and cheap ideas.   April Fool Zone includes great pranks for the office.   Discover Fun has good jokes to play at home.  April Fools is a great place to find more sophisticated pranks like the i-fart app for your i-phone and a list of the greatest pranks ever played. 

There are also some great books on our website:  Pocket Guide to Mischief and The Encyclopedia of Immaturity.

Still need more ideas?  Here's some we found:

Most people keep a framed photo of a loved one or cherished pet on their desks. Cut out a random picture from a magazine or catalog (say, a woman wearing a bikini, or an ad for computer network hubs), open up the frame, and put the random photo in front of the real photo.

Switch the coffee from caffeinated to decaf. After everyone has gotten over their caffeine withdrawals, switch the coffee again, but use a coffee that is shockingly high in caffeine.

Buy some sweets for the office. Any brightly-coloured jelly-like ones will do. Then drop an eraser or two into the pack. The closer the match in colour, size, shape etc. the better. Then wait for the expressions of surprise and disgust

Pick a deserving target (let's say "Kathy"). Come in early and leave a Post-It on everyone else's monitor saying "See me when you get in -- Kathy."

Take any umbrella and fill it with any amount of small objects and place back in its original position. Works best at the office.

Insert another CD into a friend's favorite CD case. Make sure that the Cd's look similar. After they put the CD in without checking, watch their expressions as the room is filled with "Coppa Cabana" or some other cheesy CD you swapped his favorite with.

Use a super glue, Liquid Nails or another very strong adhesive and glue a quarter to the sidewalk. It's really easy to do, it sets up in seconds and the fun lasts for hours.

You can actually get the staff to sing happy birthday to someone who you don't know in the restaurant!

Just pick some poor sucker sitting at a table at random. Tell the staff you want to have them sing happy birthday to the table and they will come over, slap on a party hat and embarrass the poor sap in front of everyone.

Fill the party’s drink cooler with ice, drinks and … plastic bugs and spiders.

If you’re a teacher who makes up word scrambles or word hunts for your class or school, make a special edition. What you know and they don’t is that this time, the words aren’t really in there!

Download a really embarrassing ringtone and install it on your loved one’s phone. Send them out on an errand, or wait until they’re at the office, and call.

Switch around the bags in various boxes of cereal so your “victim” gets a surprise next breakfast time

Cover a bar of soap with nail polish so it won’t lather up, no matter how much your victim scrubs

Leave a note on a parked car saying you’re sorry about the damage—but there is none.

Grab an empty cardboard box and tape it up. In big felt pen write on the outside, Extremely Heavy - Do not lift. Then carry the box like it weighs 150 lbs. Ask someone to help you right away. Then in a loud voice ask them, "You got it? You got it?" Once they get their hands underneath the box let it go. Watch them overcompensate.

Stay tuned for details on the prank we played on our kids....

We Know Who We Love Now

Askasheville.com  was responsible for the lovely video we posted last week.  This is an incredible site- whether you live here or are planning to visit.  Check out their blog, news page and videos.  There's even a great section for area newcomers!  They do an amazing job of supporting local businesses, artists, musicians, etc and we are so grateful for their hard work!

Wow! Whoever did this- We love you!

We're Re-Open!

We are now officially re-open at 2 Battery Park Avenue.  It's just around the corner from our original location.  Come check us out!

Can you find what DOES NOT belong in this next photo?  Here's a hint:  our comedicly-gifted son was in the store that day....

See more photos in the new store album

We're moooooving!!!!

We will be moving into The Historic Miles building after Valentine’s Day!!!!  This corner has the most foot traffic of any street in downtown

Asheville

!!!!!!!!!

 

The Front of the Historic

Miles

Building

.  Our space is around the left corner.  The building faces Wall Street.

The new door beside our space that the owner designed.

 

 

Our space is right past the round window of Kim’s Wigs Shop

 

The former occupant- Xai Xai

 

 

Haywood Park Hotel- across the street from space

 

Woolworth Walk across the street.

View up

Haywood Street

…we are currently in the basement of the tall gray building on the right.  We aren’t moving too far…

 

Misc Images

 

Other side of building faces Pritchard Park.

 

Flat Iron Bldg. next to Miles Bldg.

Email Funny

This was sent to me by another Girl Scout....

Sad News

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of an yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty
old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough,
Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50
for about 20 minutes.

Newest

We just put this out on the floor yesterday!  You know they say not to play with your food, but there's no such taboo on your drink...

Go here for more info or to purchase.